Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
