just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
