I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
