I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
