Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
