Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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