Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
