I love having hate sex.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
