If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
