and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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