The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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