uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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