my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
