I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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