I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
