Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
