idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
