escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
