If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She bit a glass in half.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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