My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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