Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
