So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
