I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
