He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
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Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.