There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.