today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.