I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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