If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðŸ˜‚ðŸ˜‚