I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
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just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying