No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
