I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So much rum. So many feels.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.