He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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