I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize