I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am naked and annoyed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
