You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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