Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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