we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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