sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
