You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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