we made out on top of his cat.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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