dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
