well I can't set my house on fire every night
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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