Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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