i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
