I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
