Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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