I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
