There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
