i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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