no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
