there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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