you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
