Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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