Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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