thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
