I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
