So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
