cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
