I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
