Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
