I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
