Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
