i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
