She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
