I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
