"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
