That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
