I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
