So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
