We named our party play list daddy issues
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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