Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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