some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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