you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
