listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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