He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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