Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
