you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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