so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
