dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
