Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
my liver is dry heaving
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
