I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
