wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
