So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
