he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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