I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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