I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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