Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My dick has a subreddit
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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