i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
