she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
