can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize