Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
