then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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