I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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